| | Security: | | | Time: | 06:18 pm | | Current Mood: |  hopeful |
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| | On April 23rd 2004 my Grandpa had a heart attack at that time I had asked God to let him stay for a little longer. Well He did just that He let my Grandfather stay in our lives for two more years. On March 31st my Grandfather went home. I knew that he still had work to do on this earth and he finished it in the past two years. My Grandpa was not strong in faith before his heart attack but the past two years he grew closer to God and my Grandmother through God. It is still really hard to let go of him, I never saw him as a weak person but I know that he made his peace. Knowing that he is in Gods arms helps a lot. Thank you God for letting him stay with us longer for letting him have the opportunity to find your love. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Yea so fun stuff for me. I need a new place to live and have no money to do it. My grandfather kicked me out of the house this morning and told me I have a week to find a new place to live. Now what am I supost to do live in my car because that is all I have. Quit school and get a second job. Sell my car and find a different mode of transportation. I need help! I cant live in my car. And if I quit school I will get no where in this world. You need school to make a living for yourself. I have always felt like I don't get support from my family. I try my hardest and it is never enough for them. They want me to get married. "That is the solution to all my problems, it will give me a life, a house, a family". Who I am suppost to marry would like to know. There is no one in my life that could give me what I need right now. Much less be able to make my family satified. My grandmother the other day told me that I need to start buying house stuff to be prepared for when I get married and move out. What????? I hate my life right now I hate eveything about it I hate who I am, what I do, my family well I don't hate my family but they need to be more supportive. And no I am not talking about you Amy I love my sisters and would do anything fo them. That is the way families are suppost to work right. I have they opertunity to move to Washington and start a new life up there. I have always wanted to do it but I have always had something stopping me. I don't know if that is the direction God wants me to go. But then I have no idea what direction I am going here. I feel like I keep walking down a long stairway taking each step down slower and slower getting no where hopping one day I would reach the bottom so I can start on my way back up to the top. But then again what is at the top. Well I got to run | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | instructer talking bla bla bla | | Security: | | | Time: | 02:17 pm | | Current Mood: |  calm |
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| Just a quick note I am in class right now and my time is about up. But thought I would say hello. I have been to busy lately. I miss my friends. Not to mention I have been pretty much bed ridden for the past week. Being sick sucks especialy when your work makes you feel bad about it. My manager almost made me cry on tuesday. Wal-Mart sucks! But I am better now! Well better then I was!
Who ever did not go to the haunted house at my church missed the best hounted house ever. But I was sick. So it sucked trying to scream at kids when you have no voice does not work real well. But I tried it was funny. Well got to go Peace out to my friends talk to you soon. I hope Love you! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| At work today I had a homeless guy come up to my register. He had a backpack with everything he owned inside and a sleeping bag. He was buying toothpaste and a toothbrush that came out to be $2.53 which he paid in change. As he started to walk away he looked at me smiles and says I have more than a dollar left! He was so incredibly happy. A little later he came back he had gone to the deli and got some potato salad and a piece of chicken his total was $1.06 and he had $1.36 He again smiled and told me to keep the extra .30 cents. How amazing is that. I of course gave the money to him and told him to treat himself to a soda. He looked at me with so much happiness and said thank you April have a wonderful night. I just wanted to hand him everything that I have. This man made me think. I have never thought of myself to be a wealthy person I work hard for everything that I have. And there is so much more that I want. But this man was very wealthy tonight and he only had $3.89 he had everything that he needed and more than he wanted. Him offering that 30 cents was like someone else offering thousands of dollars. I saw Jesus through him. I have no idea what his story nor do I want to know but I do want to be more like him. We live in a very material world. We want the best, most advanced of everything. We have to be on top. I have worked in retail for five years selling many different items. I have never seen someone so happy and all he was buying was dental hygiene and food. I use to sell sunglasses that were $400 just because they were Oakley. People would buy 3 or 4 of these at a time handing money over like it was nothing, hardly ever would I get a smile or a thank you have a nice night. It really makes you think.
Thank you God for all that you have given me I truly am wealthy in every aspect. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Everyone that has been on any type of religious retreat can tell you about their spiritual high. They can also tell you that it normally only last about a week. Unfortunately after returning to the "real world" everything seems to go back to the way it used to be. We again are afraid to show that we are christians. We are unable to stand up and give everything to God. Why is it so easy to say here I am Lord I surrender I give myself to you when we are away from that "real world".
I have been home for a week and one day. And I have lost some of that high but I did learn a few things that I will always carry with me. Every day I wake up and thank the Lord for giving me life. Something that we tend to do on retreats, but not at home. It is really amazing what a difference it makes.
Notre Dame was amazing! The campus was beautiful green with lots of trees. You can feel Gods presence or at least I could. Beautiful statues of Jesus and crosses are spread across the campus.
The Grotto all I can say is WOW. A place to light a candle in prayer knowing that a rosary will be said there every day. So many different chapels. Every where you went you could sit down and pray. St. Marys' lake! St. Josephs' lake! The people were friendly! The speakers were a gift. Mark Hart he is truly a gift he has the ability to draw the attention of young people! He can teach you so much in his humor. Matt Smith he has grown so much sense I saw him in Rome. He has remained strong in his faith and walked with God even in the "real world". He gives hope to many people. Matt Marr. He too is a strong person in faith and proves to be a very down to earth loving person. Matt Maher amazing musician. I also got to here him as a speaker he has such a loving heart. Monsignor Dale, He is a tough guy he shows tough love he speaks the truth. So many others Phil, Billy Sue, Beth the list goes on. So many people who love God and work through him. They change my life they give me hope. Mark Hart said something that has so much truth "It is not the church, the teachings,the gospel that keeps us catholic, it's the person that we see Christ in". I don't know where I would be today if it was not for the people that I see Christ in. I want to be that person that people see Christ in. I want to give others what I have been given. The Love of Christ is an awesome thing it is something that I will never be able to describe but I hope to show everyday.
My religion has always been questioned by others. I want to show them what is in my heart. I want to touch them and have them feel what I do. People say that religion can keep you away from the true meaning of God that it can miss lead you. But I would not be where I am now without it. Catholics are not perfect and I will never say that it is the only way. But when I am in a room of 250 catholic teenagers that were brought together because they are catholic that is truly God, not religion, not human faults, but God. Religion just helped us to get there.
Have you ever experienced 250 teenagers crying out to God? 250 teens standing up with their arms open verbally lifting their sins to God? That will never be miss leading. That is the most awesome thing that I have ever experienced in my life. Humans are not perfect and we never will be. We are sinners I am a sinner but God loves us no matter what.
This conference changed my life. I was going as a leader of five teens. Five of the toughest teens. I kept asking myself why did I get sent with teens that don't even seem to have much faith (the conference was meant to be for teen leaders so they can come back and lead their youth group based on what they learned I did not feel that they would do this, which they prob still wont). But I soon realized these kids needed to be there more than anyone. If they didn't have problems then what would have been the perpose of my being there. And as the conference went on I also realized that everyone there had some problem it might have not been in their faith but in something and they were not near as open as my teens. I have been blessed with teens that are able to open up. That are not afraid to show their faults. Which is a gift in itself. Okay I have to go to bed i get to have x-rays taken on my back tomorow well today it's almost 4am goodnight | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | Life is Good | | Time: | 06:07 pm | | Current Mood: |  amused |
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| Well, so much! I will start with today and go backward just becuase I am in a backward mood!
On my way home from work a cop ran into me! The back end of my poor car is smashed and by a cop. I find it very amusing. He apparently was not looking at the road, I had stopped to make a left hand turn, with my blinker on and he just ran right into me at 40 mph. He freaked, he kept asking me if I wanted an ambulance. (My back and neck does hurt now which really sucks) I ended up with three cop cars with their lights on, drawing a lot of attention people were looking at me as though I had done something wrong.I have never been in an accident or been pulled over for that matter it was a strange experience. I just wanted to point and say he did it. Cops are human! Okay I will finish later my grandma is needing the computer. Notre Dame info is soon to came. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I have now learned not to post when I am upset. I am so much better now. I have had a hard time accepting a few changes that were put before me. Thank you God for giving me strength when it is needed most. First I ask forgiveness from anyone I hurt during my downfall. I have not been myself I have been floating around trying to find my place, when there is no such thing as my place on this earth we are only passing. I was in a daze unaware of my surroundings, unaware of all the awesome people in my life. The last thing that I want to do is jeopardize what could be a wonderful friendship. I try to hard to live when I should be just living. Life is very short considering all that is out there to experience.
Tomorrow is fathers day and my grandfather is alive to experience it for another year My family is all here in one house Grandparents, parents, siblings, great Aunts & Uncles, 1st,2nd,3rd cousins, Aunts, Aunts boyfriends, Uncles you get the picture. And for the first time in I don't know how many years all because we were reminded how short life really is. It is amazing although we only have one toilet to accommodate all of us. Mine broke!!!! And no I did not do it!!!!! I say it was the monkeys but nobody believes me they got hot and went swimming and now there is this humongous hair ball stuck deep down in the pipes. We need some monkey hair ball removal stuff. Anybody got some? You would be way cool in my book. Ups sorry kinda went off there, but hey it could happen. FUN STUFF! Monkeys are cool!!!! Hey I bought two fishies today it was funny I was like one of those annoying kids that pick out that one special fish out of a million that in reality all look the same it was fun. The lady behind me was like does it really matter. Yeah, I want my fishies not just any fishies. I think she thought I was using them as feeders.
My nerves are going crazy next Sunday I will be leaving for Notre Dame with five teens. This will be my first time to be the only adult and it is far far away. I pray that I will be strong enough to help guide these teens. To help them become stronger in their faith. This can be a turning point in there lives if directed the right way. It could be a turning point in my life. I pray that we open our hearts and receive all during our journey. Well I'm going to mingle ta ta for now. Life is fun if you make it fun. I got Fishies, hey maybe they are clogging my toilet! FISHIES NO! I better go check! Nope Still in my tank swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Oh ya I was going to mingle! Good day or night whatever!
<3 Trinity | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 04:38 pm | | Current Mood: |  exhausted |
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| Okay yes, I complain and occasionally get to the point where I want to scream. But I truly do love life, I love my life. I love everything that God has given me. I am extremely blessed and thankful. I just need to accept the fact that I will never fully understand the path that He is leading and probably never will. And for good cause. Life is a mystery and if we knew what was going to happen next then what would be the purpose. God knows what he is doing. So why do I still want to know my purpose, my path?
I feel my calling is to lead (which explains why I have always put so much time into the LIFETEEN program) but sometimes I can't seem to overcome my emotions. I cant always look beyond my feelings or my past and reach out to a person or let a person reach out to me. Sometimes it just hurts to much.
Why are certain people put into my life why are our "crosses pathed" as the Bible Geek would say. How am I to help them? How are they to help me? And for What reason? I know there is one but I am just not feeling it. I am tired of opening myself up only to get hurt I am becoming weak once more. I have always hated making myself vulnerable to others, so why is this my path. With All that I have been through sadly it does makes sense. Geez! I know that God has faith in me and is giving me the strength but it is so hard. Lord please show me strength help me to do your will. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Lord, I get so tired of the struggle within. I am weighed down in my sin.
Lead me past my emotions, for they seem to change with the wind. I want to be true. I want to be pure.
I have been longing for the purpose, looking for a reason.
It's hard to know you lord, It's even harder to see your plan. But your love is forever calling me so please take me as I am! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | Am I broken? | | Time: | 01:18 pm | | Current Mood: |  crushed |
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| Can anyone explain why what you want and what you feel you should want are two totally different things? How do you find that middle ground? How do you put your mind as ease and follow your heart? Put your heart at ease and follow your mind? And at the some time!
They will not function as one!
I want to scream!
What I should want has been pounded into my head sense before I had the ability to think on my own. -This is what you are going to do-this is who you are going to be-these are your morals-this is the type of person you want to spend your life with-this is right-this is wrong- I can't pull myself from these they have formed a part of who I am.
The things I want are based on life experiences on what my heart feels and desires and I can't pull myself from those, they too have formed who I am.
Neither are better or worse then the other they are just different when it comes time to finding that special someone that I want to share my life with.
I was sitting in church praying about this and the answer that I got I just can not seem to do. Why am I not strong enough.
I have to laugh when people say that I am a strong person. How can they see that if I cant feel it.
I love many but approve of none.
I approve of many but love none. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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